As you may have guessed, I love words. I am fascinated them: word placement, writing styles and the differences between them.
But even more entertaining to me are the malapropisms. If you are not familiar with that term, it is the unintentional use of a wrong word or phrase in an adage or saying, usually sounding a good deal like the original word.
While most of us have uttered a mistaken word or phrase from time to time, there are those who seem to specialize in it. This has always delighted my husband and me, so much so that we started a list many years ago, just for our own amusement.
I would like to share a few of what we have deemed classics. In this day and age with hardships, sadness and strife, sometimes it is best to focus on the lighter side of life.
These mangled adages definitely fit that bill. The following gems are all quotes from various friends and acquaintances, collected over the past few decades. And this is just a small smattering of our collection.
From the animal world:
Did you know that a leopard can’t change its stripes?
My friend got his cat spawned.
Another friend took his cat to be neutralized.
Sheep don’t change their spots.
Here are pearls of wisdom, sage advice for the ages:
Beauty is only skin tight.
Don’t forget to schedule a bone-destiny test.
Sometimes you have to pay Peter to rob Paul.
Remember, it’s all just a drop in the hat.
And here is a mishmash of entertaining misquotes:
Back in the day, he had a rotisserie phone.
I got a call from my next store neighbor
She’s serving tea and sconces.
Thank you for your kind sediments.
He gave us all the details, add nausea.
He had to write a four-page dysentery.
What’s your New Year’s revolution?
It’s the greatest thing since sliced butter.
Make sure to put it on your colander.
She had to have a tubal litigation.
My friend was married by a pasture.
An unwanted pregnancy used to be a major stigmatism.
Every once in a while one of these treasures can actually take on a whole new meaning.
Case in point, we have a friend who likes to say, “Keep an upper chin.” I imagine that this is a cross between “Keep a stiff upper lip,” and “Keep your chin up.” Whatever the case may be, I have adopted it as a personal motto.
If I keep an upper chin, if my chin is pointed up, then so also are my eyes. Sometimes by keeping our gaze upward, great things can happen.
Beautiful and serene sights can emerge, such as a shooting star, a great blue heron flying by or even the recreational parachutists floating down to earth. Hot air balloons drifting by, or fluffy clouds in interesting shapes wafting across the sky. All these sights would be missed if I didn’t keep an upper chin.
This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, a few amusing statements, all uttered in complete sincerity and innocence. I’m sure you have a few you could add to this collection. Enjoy them when they happen.
A little levity is sometimes just what the doctor ordered to lighten whatever burdens you may be facing. And just remember to keep an upper chin.
